


Charles' Secret

by tonystarking



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 06:41:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/821216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonystarking/pseuds/tonystarking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people think Charles is a robot, but Charles has a little secret of his own that keeps the stress from getting to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Charles' Secret

Three phone calls, and only ten minutes to spare.

His life is planned out down to the second. Things don’t go wrong because they can’t go wrong. As Dethklok became the powers he knew them to be, he made sure their staff would be able to manage perfection. While his plans weren’t bulletproof (he was the Dead Man, after all), they are as close as they can be in this industry.

“Sell the shares. If you’re unwilling to negotiate, we’re unwilling to buy in.” Click. One down. “Dethklok is declining to do any more endorsement deals unless it suits them, and I’m afraid that children’s books detailing gruesome murders, while interesting, just doesn’t pique their curiosity. I think it’s the, uh, book part that loses them.” The man starts to protest, but Charles doesn’t have time for it. “I’m sorry, that’s the final answer.” Click. One more to go. “Dethklok dolls are approved. Ship them out as special installments for Comic Con only.” Just as the man starts a celebratory speech, Charles cuts him off. “Email the contract over, and I’ll take a look at it. Will be in touch.” Click. Finally done.

“Another one, ah, bites the dust, as they say.” Charles adjusts his tie, holds out his briefcase. The female Klokateer takes it and holds it in front of her. Many of them he doesn’t know by sight, but this one he does. She’s sturdy for a woman; he can imagine she had no trouble at her initiation ceremony.

He strides out of the com room, buzzing with able-bodied volunteers in black masks. He has two minutes to spare, which gives him enough time to go to his office, pour himself a brandy, and settle with his laptop before going over the pre-approved script.

“Six-two-three, what is the status on the animation department?”

“Prepared for the message, Sir,” 623 answers.

“And the office?”

“Cleared of all appointments for the next hour.”

“The boys?” he asks. He can plan every last detail, but they are what can make or break a plan.

“Currently out in the gardens with the yard wolves taking part in, shall we say, the most dangerous game?”

He knew what 623 means. Any time the Klokateers round up too many illegal downloaders, they thin out the herd by sending them into Mordhaus’ labyrinth garden. The boys like to watch the proceedings from individual helicopters filled with coolers of their favorite drink. For some reason, Toki only wanted chilled milk.

The two arrive at his office, two muscled Klokateers parting as they enter. 623 drops his briefcase on his desk where his laptop is already waiting for his password and the script is printed and placed in a black Top Secret-labeled file folder. He barely has time to reach for his empty glass before 623 drops three chunks of ice into it and pours the perfect amount of brandy.

“Thank you. Now… please leave.”

She does so with a nod. Charles knows she’ll advise the guards to wait outside the doors until he emerges. He wants no one here for this part. After all, no one knows about this but him and a very select few Klokateers, including 623, lead of the Animation Department.

He sips the brandy, clears his throat, and hits record. The script, lying in front of him as a reminder, has already been memorized. When he speaks, he lets go of all the stress in his neck and back.

“Hellooooo, kids, it’s me, Facebones! And welcome to Comic Con! I’m guessing you’re a kid, because who the fuck else likes to dress up like non-existent characters and run around like it’s Halloween in the middle of the fucking summer, huuuuh? Dethklok here has a special prize for all of you, but not ACTUALLY for all of you because it’s limited edition! That’s right—DETHKLOK DOLLS! So, have fun fighting to the death, you crazy collectors, and enjoy waiting in that line that’s already four weeks long, but you’ll probably need that time to decide where you’re going to put your Dethklok toys in your mom’s basement, right?”

Charles clears his throat again, dropping back down to his normal voice range. He takes another sip of the brandy as he plays back his own voice to scrutinize it. Later, 623 will animate Facebones to go along with his words, creating an entity that is himself with… slight alterations.

At the end of the hour, he has the recording and emails it to the Animation Department. When he exists the door with briefcase in hand, 623 dismisses the two guards. She holds out her hand, and in it, he places his empty brandy glass.

“Yes, sir,” she says, leaving his side as her duty is finished.

They will say nothing more of this matter. To anyone.


End file.
